You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
