I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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