I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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