I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
