There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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