What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
