you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Randomize
