You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
