i would punch a child for taco bell
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
