I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
