This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
