Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
