those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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