this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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