Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
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