Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Randomize
