dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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