Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
