I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
