remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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