girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize