until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
