she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
