ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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