She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
