every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize