im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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