You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
