I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
