At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
