TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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