new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
