$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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