Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
