hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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