I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
