clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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