How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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