did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
