he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
