He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
