id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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