I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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