They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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