I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
