You're my little dorito
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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