yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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