Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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