Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize