I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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