tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
