Can i not drive my cunt home
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize