i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
