3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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