I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
