BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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