i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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