You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
