Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize