I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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