oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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