We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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