It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
