I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
