Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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