I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
