I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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