Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
