Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
