How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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