is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
