Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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