He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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