He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
