A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
