She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
