I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
