she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I wish I only lived at night.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
