Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Shame is for Republicans.
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