Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
