Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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