Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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