i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
