Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
