I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
