You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
