I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Operation Purity has been aborted
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
