At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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