we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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