whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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