capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
