whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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