remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
